Combining an awesome movie franchise (Die Hard, not the other one) with a bunch of scary-ass people (yes, the twi-hards sort of terrify me).
This is my first episode after a long hiatus of not watching at all, mostly due to some crazy shit happening in my life, including being a bridesmaid in my uncle’s wedding and moving down with my dad. Bleh.
Here we go. I missed my boys.
But for real, is this going to have to do with vampires again? Also, Dean, you are perfect and beautiful and stop making me tingle!
What’s wrong with my Sammy?
That guy is totally a vampire, isn’t he? He’s kind of hot. ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE THIS INTO TWILIGHT?! I AM CRYING!
THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
I want to count how many lines are basically straight out of Twilight, and how loud Kristen’s breathing is (KSTEW, I’m looking at your performances in Twilight and New Moon), but literally everything makes me think of Twilight, so that would kind of be a waste of my time, I think. LOLCATS!
God, even the vamp’s voice is like RPattz’. “I can make my own decisions; I’m seventeen.” Dear Castiel, I cannot even. This is ridiculous.
“Is there gonna be...velvet?” This is HILARIOUS. I cannot. OH DEAR GOD HIS NAME IS ROBERT. I CANNOT. KRIPKE, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST TROLL IN THE UNIVERSE. KING TROLL RIGHT THERE.
Oh, Dean...you’re insane. I love you. But Lisa...I can do without you. Although I do really think you care about Dean, but still.
“Oh, that is so much worse.” HAHAHA “Vampires?” “Nah, these aren’t vampires, man. These...these are douchebags.” Dean, I love you so much. I will profess my undying love to you all day every day.
His face is seriously cracking me up right now. “What is he so bummed out about?” I could quote this whole episode. I’ll try only to do the ones that really make me laugh. “Look at this. He’s watching her sleep. How is that not rapey?” Ridiculous.
Romero. Dean, you are perfect. YOU ARE PERFECT I CANNOT! “Hey, how many T’s are there in Pattinson?” UGH I CANNOT! I love that they’re totally just in on all of this. I cannot. I CANNOT!
What the hell is this? Are the vamps robbing this dude or whatever, or am I missing something? Oh, he’s a guy from a blood bank, isn’t he? Yeah, he totally is. Called that one. It says please give blood, not TAKE blood.
“You go with Efron, I’ve got Bieber.” Dean, you are the most perfect man on the face of the earth. But can I just ask what might seem like an obvious question? Doesn’t this seem like a bit of a trap? WHAT THE HELL SAM HAD A MACHETE!
“Are you wearing glitter?” “All right, Mm Bop your way outta here.” SO MANY PERFECT REFERENCES!
That curly vamp called Dean “pretty.” Shit’s gonna go down, isn’t it? Dean, what the hell is wrong with you? Why didn’t you come prepared? And Sam, WHY ARE YOU LETTING CURLY VAMP TURN DEAN UNTO A VAMPIRE?! WHAT THE HELL SAM! And you smiled. Something is sure the hell wrong with you?
More lamp abuse? And he’s turning into a vamp. Is there any way to fix this? “You sit down.” Cute.
Sam, why aren’t you freaking out? Dean has a good point. What is wrong with Sam? “Newsflash, Mr. Wizard, vampires pee.” Perfect man is perfect. Woah, he’s already got a fang? That’s some quick acting shit there.
And...Dean went to Lisa’s? What the hell is wrong with him? Dean, stop being a vampire already, please. I don’t like you like this. Except look at those sexy eye crinkles.
I don’t like Lisa, but FUCK that was hot, their almost kiss. Shit, he hurt Ben. Oh, Dean. You didn’t eat anyone, though. You’re good. If SPN vampires weren’t so fucking scary, I’d be all up on that shit. I mean, just LOOK at Dean right now. LOOK AT HIM. That motherfucker is so sexy, I don’t even care. Except for the vamp teeth. Those are ridiculous. They’re freaky. I guess that’s the point, though.
Wait, Samuel can turn Dean back? Seriously? Fucking awesome! “Dude, you reek. You’re like a walking hamburger.” Perfect.
I don’t really trust Samuel, but I guess I don’t really have a reason not to trust him, do I? But Sammy, what is wrong with you? Sam. Winchester. If you let your brother get turned so that you could find an Alpha Vamp, I will hurt you so much you will regret the day you rose from Hell. I don’t care that you knew he could get turned back. You are in big trouble, Mister...
HAHA friendly vamps. This is an extremely different side of vampires than we’ve seen before. “I killed so many people on the way over here.” HAHA. I love that Dean is sort of freaked out that they have a fridge full of blood. Also, this is like a really well-run thing, isn’t it? I mean, seriously? It’s a huge place.
But Dean’s supposed to be a recruiter? Is that why Boris turned him? Because he was, as Boris put it, ‘Pretty?’ I mean, I guess if you were trying to ‘recruit’ people into your way of life, having pretty people do the dirty work would be the best way to go about it.
Smart guy, Dean, playing dumb. “Thirty-three?” What a crazy random number, Dean bby.
So what’s behind Boris’ thing? God. He’s saying God is behind this. I am...confuse...to start. “You want the private tour, don’t you?” EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I AM SO GROSSED OUT!
Aw fuck, Dean. You let a drop hit the floor. Stupid. Um....what’s talking to Boris? It made them all pass out...oh, including Dean. This is not good. What is happening? This is like...the creation of Vampires, or what? And those little girls look like they belong in The Shining.
Oh, wait. So the Father is like...the Head Vamp, isn’t he? Ohh, I get it now.
Woah, Dean. You are brilliant with a machete. That is some awesome hacking you’re doing there. And FUCK, that jump. You have mad skills, bro.
“This is much bigger than you and me.” What, exactly, does that mean? Wow, Dean. Nice job killing Boris.
Oh, God. Ew, he’s gonna spew, isn’t he? Ugh, yeah, he did. This is disgusting. GROSS. Vomiting is disgusting. Oh, but he saw Sam’s face in his memory. That shit was like a horrible Pensieve. But now Dean knows there’s seriously something up with his brother. Now we just have to figure out what it is.
OH, Fuck. Me. Dean in that shirt. NOMNOMNOM
Vamp Alpha is building an army. And Hunters don’t scare them anymore. That is not good at all. Ugh, Dean knows something’s up with Sam. WHAT THE HELL IS IT?!
I live a Dean Appreciation Life.
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