OH. Oh no. Oh, dear God, no. Remember how grossed out I was by Skin and A Very Supernatural Christmas and Ghostfacers? This is all three of those episodes rolled into one and multiplied by infinity. I am going to throw up.
I remember the first time I watched this episode, when the demon Sam and Ruby are interrogating makes some comment about Sam “slutting it up” with Ruby... I remember thinking, “Oh, God, please say he isn’t sleeping with her. Please, no. No. NO.” I think I knew it all along (in fact, I’m surprised it didn’t happen in Season 3) but it doesn’t take away the sting. Stop sleeping with evil demons, Sam.
Sam is pissed because he knows it’s true. UGH. Gross. Ruby sex.
I can’t believe Dean finds out this quickly about Sam’s psychic thing! I thought it was a secret for much longer.
I’m... wow. I’m oddly sympathetic to Sam all of the sudden. The first time around, I was pissed. Is it weird that I’m somehow... on Sam’s side right now? How is this happening? Who am I? I’m always on Dean’s side. I guess... well, I don’t know. I hate that he’s maintaining this psychic thing with demon’s blood. That’s sick and gross and just... no. But the motive is pure: Sam is exorcising demons without hurting the vessel, which is actually quite compassionate. So... I’m torn. This whole attitude is probably coming from Castiel’s betrayal a la Season 6, to be honest. I’m in the mindset of trying to understand why people sink so low to do what they have to do. It’s sort of a “do the ends justify the means” question. Is becoming addicted to demon blood worth it, Sam?
I think Dean is angry because he was being lied to. It’s not the psychic thing. It’s the keeping-things-from-him thing.
And there it is. Dean’s right about this. It’s a slippery slope, and it ends with Sam saying yes to Lucifer. But Sam’s puppy face is getting to me! “You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you.” AUGH. I cannot deal with this emotional turmoil. I am being torn back and forth between them.
“Tell me: if it’s so terrific, then why did you lie about it to me? Why did an angel tell me to stop you? Cas said that if I don’t stop you, he will. You see what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn’t want you doing this. So, you’re just going to stand there and tell me that everything is all good?”
The only thing I heard in this entire speech was Dean calling Castiel ‘Cas’ for the first time. MY HEART. MY HEART.
Oh, no. It’s Rugaru time and I’m going to throw up. Actually, this dude is making me really hungry. This is going to last for the next ten seconds until he starts eating people and then I’m going to lose my appetite forever.
BRB. Throwing up. Nothing to see here, folks. I literally can’t say anything else.
YOU SEE. I WANT TO HAVE INTELLIGENT THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SANCTITY OF LIFE BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE JACK IS ABOUT TO EAT DEAN.
All right, here are some thoughts: I had a really hard time watching the majority of that episode, but I retained some of it. Mostly, I’m starting to really understand Sam. I still think that I’m majority Dean in a lot of ways, but I’m relating to Sam a lot in this episode. I understand feeling like you’re not in control of your own destiny, like there’s something inside you that will destroy you whether you like it or not. Sam feels like a monster and he thinks this is the solution, and I can’t blame him for that.
I also feel very, very sad for him at the end of this episode, because I REALLY understand overcoming addiction. There have been so many times in my life that I’ve said, “I’m never doing this again. I’m going to stop because it’s the right thing to do and it’s what I want.” It sounds very healthy but it works for about ten seconds. Sam sounds so confident in his declaration, and it hurts me so much to know that it isn’t going to last. Sam’s addiction is going to destroy him, and that knowledge is literally causing me pain.
Oh, Sam. I don’t give you enough love, so I’m telling you now: I love you and I always will.
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